Patterns in static

An old sign





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02 October 05.

Joe: Hi. I'd like to leave my cat here at the pet shelter.
Clerk: HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL THAT'S A LION!!!
Joe: You OK?
Clerk: That's a lion! You can't leave a lion here!
Joe: But the sign up there says "All cats are welcome".
Clerk: Yeah, but that's a lion.
Joe: Which is a type of cat.
Clerk: Dude, that is not what we meant.
Joe: Four legs, a tail. Purrs.
Clerk: You are not leaving that lion—
Joe: Cat. Her name is Della.
Clerk: You are not leaving Della here.
Joe: Come round here.
Clerk: No way!
Joe: I want you to look at Della's paws.
Clerk: I can see them from here.
Joe: And they look _just_ like the paws of the other cats you have here, right?
Clerk: But the mane! The teeth!
Joe: Why do you focus on those things? Just look at the paws: they're identical to those of all the other cats. Why do you have this shelter anyway?
Clerk: Well, uh, because society is better off when someone is looking after and caring for these unprotected cats.
Joe: Are you saying that you don't care about Della?
Clerk: No, no—
Joe: Are you saying that you only care about some cats but not others?
ClerK: No, but she'll eat the other cats.
Joe: Yeah, all cats are carnivores.
Clerk: But the other cats somehow don't eat each other.
Joe: The sign says `all cats welcome.'
Clerk: We didn't mean _lions_.
Joe: Who made that sign?
Clerk: It's been here for, like, since the place opened.
Joe: So you're saying the founders of this place were too dumb to think through the meaning of 'cat'?
Clerk: No, they just didn't think anybody would have the audacity to bring a lion in here. Look, as of right now, I'm changing the sign. All cats welcome except lions.
Joe: How can you do that! The people who founded this place didn't have a lion exception. That sign has been up for decades, has been stared at by many people wiser than you or me, and none of them wrote in a lion exception. What makes you so much smarter than all of them?
Clerk: Look at her. She's too wide to fit into any of our cages.
Joe: The sign doesn't say anything at all about breadth. Cats can be as broad as they want, and you have to accept them.
Clerk: This whole thing about wording the sign is dumb. The fundamental issue is what's good for the society and what the shelter is designed to handle.
Joe: I don't see how you can just invent a no lions exception out of thin air.
Clerk: Look, your lion ain't gonna be better off here, `cause the shelter wasn't designed for lions.
Joe: But other cats are fine here.
Clerk: But it's a _lion_.
Joe: which is a type of cat.
[Anne enters.]
Joe: Hey, Anne.
Anne: Hey, Joe. I have to give up Wolfie here. This place takes dogs, right?

As the reader can plainly see, this dialogue is all about software patents, and those who defend them. No matter how often you talk about the key differences between software and other industries, they just keep saying `but _I_ don't see any difference', and no matter how often you try to bring it back to the key questions of whether patents are good for economic growth, they keep bringing it back to the letter of current patent law. I've read serious patent advocates make the metaphorical analogue to every one of Joe's arguments at some point in the last few months. I can't count how many patent attorney's associations have explained that the Patent Act of 1952 already covered the software patent question. (OK, there are two: the AIPLA (PDF) and the IPO Association. I'd link to the IPO's statement of this, but the press release in question is their intellectual property, so you have to pay to read it.).

Bonus: business methods
Judge Rich, the guy who invented the concept of software patents in his 1994 In re Alappat ruling, did have one half-decent reason why he knew what Congress was thinking when it wrote the Patent Act of 1952: he's the guy who drafted it. The `nonobviousness' requirement is basically his idea.

He's a creative guy. In his 1998 State Street ruling, he also brought patents on business methods into existence. In fact, he's sort of bitchy about it: "[When the lower court made the ruling we overturn here,] the court relied on the judicially-created, so-called 'business method' exception to statutory subject matter. We take this opportunity to lay this ill-conceived exception to rest. Since its inception, the 'business method' exception has merely represented the application of some general, but no longer applicable legal principle..."

So who are the idiot judges to use such a principle? Who is he making fun of when he expresses his disdain for this "ill-conceived", "judicially-created" exception? Why, himself, because he excludes prior rulings which would have informed the software patent issue in In re Alappat using the business method exception. His ruling depended on saying that the court has consistently accepted certain off-the-wall patents, but there were two that were disembodied algorithms but were rejected; to keep his argument consistent, he brushed those two rulings aside by stating that their rejection was based not on the construction of the claims or what-have-you, but on the business method exception: "Maucorps dealt with a business methodology for deciding how salesmen should best handle respective customers and Meyer involved a 'system' for aiding a neurologist in diagnosing patients. Clearly, neither of the alleged 'inventions' in those cases falls within any Section 101 category." (31 USPQ2d 1555, 33 F.3d 1541, or just search for it)

How Judge Rich went from putting disdainful scare quotes around "invention" to putting scare quotes around "business method" in four short years is left for the reader to ponder.

Speaking of scare quotes
One of the favorite lines from the patenting lit of late is that "Anything under the sun that is made by man" is patentable. This comes from the Diamond v Chakrabarty ruling, which ushered in gene patents. Again, it cites the Congress of 1952 as stating this.

OK, so let's ask the Congress of 1952, notably, Senate Report No. 1979, 82d Cong., 2d Sess. (1952), which is what Diamond v Chakrabarty was citing: "A person may have 'invented' a machine or a manufacture, which may include anything under the sun that is made by man, but it is not necessarily patentable under section 101 unless the conditions of the title are fulfilled." From which we conclude that the Congress of 1952 is OK with patents on genes, software, and business methods.

A close reading of any of the rulings which ushered in these new systems reveals a great deal of sophistry which basically boils down to the judge stating "I would really like this new subject matter to be patentable. There is no subject matter exception. There never has been a subject matter exception. There never will be a subject matter exception." Typically, the ruling which changes everything is preceded by a few dozen rulings which say that the new subject matter shouldn't be patentable until the Congress comes out and explicitly states that patenting this new field really will make for a better economy. Then the new ruling comes along and says that no, the Congress of 1952 is very much OK with this new technology, even if they couldn't conceive of it even in science fiction. Clearly, this sort of argument requires a really, really, close reading of the pre-tech statutes. I'm uncomfortable that patent law is based on tea-leaf reading by the Judiciary instead of a direct statement from Congress.

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